Sunday, 18 June 2017

Realising my self worth

Weight this week: 86kg - 189.5lbs

Lost since last week: 0.5kg - 1.1lbs

Weight loss in total: 34kg - 74.9lbs

New boots and new jeans!
A half kilo loss this week is not too bad, only 6kg away from being back at 80kg! I'm so happy that I am finally on track. This week i bought some new jeans and boots as a congratulations to myself for sticking with the stress of my job AND getting 2 job interviews as well. I'm slowly beginning to realise that I'm not as incompetent as I thought I was and I am worthy of being in the work force.
I used to feel like I would be a burden in a work environment but I am just as capable as any one else. Of course being in a wheelchair was the main part of the feelings of inadequacy, but it's also that I only entered the work force last year so I don't have a plethora of experience to bring to the table.

The 'I'm a burden' feeling has been haunting me in every part of my life since becoming paralysed - work, relationships, family, public outings. Sometimes it's all I can think about, other times I'm able to push them into the background. But I do think those thoughts will always be there. I guess the question is will I gain enough self confidence to challenge the thoughts when they arise? 

One great example for me is:

When I first passed my P's and started driving by myself back in early 2014 I refused to fuel up my own car. I was terrified that I would take too long fuelling up, people would stare at me, people would get impatient, etc. Even after moving out of home to live with my sister for 2 years I was still getting either my Mum or sister to fuel it. The uncertainty and worry of doing it myself and possibly having a bad experience would send me into a bit of a panic when I thought about it. 
Then I moved in with my partner, Chris, march of last year. I was now 1 and a half hours drive from my Mum, and my sister had moved to Melbourne. Sure, I could have asked my partner to furl my car for me, but I felt like he shouldn't have to do it - and in hindsight neither should my sister and Mum have had to. 

So I got Chris to take me to a fuel station he knew would be pretty quiet and then taught me how to do it. I have been fuelling my car myself every since. I still don't feel 100% comfortable in the situation, but it's something that needs to be done, everybody with a car has to do it, and now I am just one of those people. It's a nice feeling not to have to depend on other people for something, even if they were always happy to do it for me. 
One set of wheels inside another set of wheels

This week I am hoping to get to 85kg for my next blog post. I think it's definitely doable if I keep motivated! I'm also hoping that by next Sunday I will have an answer on if I have got one of the two jobs I have interviewed for. 

I know this post hasn't been too much about weight loss, but in a way, self worth is part of it. If I didn't have self worth I wouldn't be as interested in keeping myself healthy. A healthy mind is just an important as a healthy body and I aim to reach a really good place with both by the end of the year! 

Thoughts this week: Don't really have anything specific to be honest! That may be because it's 7am on a Sunday and I'm awake due to my cat wanting food and someone to hang out with. Whereas my partner gets to stay in bed because he doesn't wake up to the meowing as quick as me.

I wish
But you know what, it's a good time for some exercise so I'm going to do an hour work out to wake myself up and get the day started!

If you have any questions, shoot me a comment! I am always happy to answer.

Thank you for reading! 😀✌♿

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